Time To Get Decent
by Virtuella
Summary: With four young-ish men on board Serenity, and far out in space away from all human amenities, Mal depends on a certain female on board to provide a crucial service.


Time to Get Decent

"You can't do that in my infirmary!"

Mal gave Simon a look of fatherly exasperation. "We will do it on _my ship."_

"But not in the infirmary."

"We've always done it here."

"It's not…hygienic."

"That's right, doctor, it isn't, so you just make sure you clean up thoroughly afterwards." Mal plonked himself on the infirmary chair. "Come on then, Kaylee."

Kaylee gave a little nervous smile and scrunched up the silky scarf she held in her left hand. It was so unfair that the worst job on _Serenity_ always fell to her. "How time flies," she said as she stepped forward. "Seems but a week since we last did this."

"Well, it's a month and it's time we got decent. Can't do no business if we look like tramps."

"Sure, Captain."

She draped the scarf around Mal's shoulders and tied it up at his throat. "Now sit still. Um, Captain."

"I will, as long as you make sure you don't nip my ear!"

"I'll do my best."

From her overall pocket, Kaylee pulled a comb and a pair of scissors. Needless to say, she would have felt more comfortable with a spanner. Mal closed his eyes and lips firmly as Kaylee set to work.

She knew how the captain liked it. Neat and short at the back, somewhat longer and deceptively random-looking at the front. The neat bit she could manage; it was the mock-randomness of his fringe that gave her trouble every time. Once he had yelled at her when it was too straight. She lifted a strand of hair between her fingers and flourished the scissors in a way that she hoped looked artistic or at least vaguely competent. Slowly and cautiously, she began to cut. After a minute or so, she realised her tongue was sticking out of her mouth and following the movement of her scissors, making her look like a gorram idiot. Sure, the captain had his eyes closed, but he wasn't the only one in the room… She closed her mouth and tried to smile away her embarrassment.

It took her no less than forty minutes to make the captain's hair look effortlessly tousled and stylish. Jayne was up next. In principle, he could have been easier, had it not been for two things: One was that Kaylee resented having to service him at all, since his was so short that he could have done it himself, with clippers. The other was that Jayne refused to submit to an "armed woman" without being armed himself and therefore ascended the infirmary chair with a loaded gun on his lap. At least she assumed it was loaded. Was it loaded? Would the captain allow him a loaded gun in this situation? Should she even think about this while she negotiated the curve around Jayne's massive ears?

And then it got worse. This happened every time. Kaylee thought of how "Jayne" was, after all, a girl's name and how much more appropriate it would be if he'd let his hair grow long and how she might braid it with _ribbons._ Red and orange might suit him well. Bit of yellow, maybe. She suppressed a giggle, the scissors performed an unexpected swerve and took a large triangular chunk out of Jayne's fringe. Now he looked like an idiot. Oh well, rather him than her.

"What did you do that for?" complained Jayne as soon as he looked in the mirror. "You've made me look like a gorram idiot!"

"Now there's a novelty," said Mal.

Jayne glared but made no reply.

Mal nodded at Simon. "Your turn, doctor."

Simon opened his mouth, closed it again, rubbed his ear. "I, um, it's not really…I don't think…"

"Don't be squeamish, man!" Mal shoved him gently into the chair. "Ain't no man been mutilated yet by our li'l Kaylee, and if you're the first, you're well qualified to patch up yourself."

Kaylee bit her lip. Their first time. Her left hand tensed around the comb and scissors. With her right, she stroked his brown hair. It felt glossy and soft.

"So, Simon, how do you like it?" she said.

Jayne snorted. Mal kicked his ankle.

"Just an all-round trim," said Simon. "Um, if you don't mind."

Kaylee braced herself mentally and took up the scissors again. She walked around Simon once, peering intently at his locks in an attempt to discern the outline of his previous haircut. That here was his side parting, so much was clear. She pushed his fringe across his forehead and coincidentally her pinkie connected with his skin rather than his hair. As she smoothed down the hair at the nape of his neck, she felt the warmth radiating from under his collar.

"Better get going," she mumbled. "Ain't no time like the present."

She knew everyone's eyes were on her while the scissors chirped along. Next month, she would insist that they would each come separately. One at a time, yeah, that was the way forward. And no audience. None of this ogling her while she struggled with a craft nature had not chosen her for.

She was so careful with Simon's hair, and she relished the proximity so much, the job took even longer than doing the captain. Jayne got bored and slunk away, so did River, apparently, and even Mal eventually shrugged and ambled off. That only left herself, Simon, and the remaining queue.

"Is that all right?" she said finally and handed Simon the mirror.

He turned his head from side to side, pushed his chin out – that chin! – and smiled.

"Thank you," he said. "That's almost as good as a…um…I mean… Thank you."

He pulled off the scarf and rushed out the door.

Kaylee heaved a sigh of relief. It was good she didn't have to do Wash: his wife would let nobody else touch her man.

"Over to you," she said and handed the scissors to Zoe.


End file.
